Sugar Cube Madness
by Devin Trinidad
Summary: When Light got those two conniving backstabbers together, he was going to kill them. He was going to kill them in a non-Kira way, of course.


The Kira investigation was underway in the tall building where the Task Force called their headquarters. While it was magnificent and a bit grandiose since the lead detective bought the entire thing, it was a clear sign that he wanted to keep things under wraps. This was secrecy, which meant that people who weren't needed in the investigation were more than likely kicked out the door to prevent leaks from occurring. Unfortunately, there was one glaring exception—and it wasn't because the exception was also flagrantly female.

And so, Ryuzaki—a conspicuous alias to cover up the fact that he was L—felt himself frown a bit when he heard padded footsteps approach him. Idly, he played with a few sugar cubes, letting them fall on the table. Watching them fall and sometimes split apart was particularly fascinating when the blonde was in the vicinity of his playtime. Another sugar cube was fondled within his grasp as he prepared to place it on top of the sleeping teen on the floor.

"What the—what?" Ah, here she was. Ryuzaki could feel anger radiating off of her voluptuous curves on her body and on her lips. There was anger in her eyes that could be accurately described as indignant as opposed to furious.

In answer to her question, Ryuzaki placed a finger on his lips, signaling that she should remain quiet for her boyfriend's sleeping patters. He even gave her a sugar cube as a sign of a peace offering, one that she shakily accepted with confusion. "Light was feeling a bit out of sorts so I decided to let him sleep on the floor." He gestured towards the man sprawled on the floor with a haphazardly added blanket to serve as warmth on the cold floor.

Instead of gratefulness that Ryuzaki was expecting because he clearly was kind enough to let him sleep instead of doing more work, Misa whirled around from staring at her boyfriend in horror to glaring at the detective. It wasn't indignant this time. It looked a lot like an enraged animal trying so hard to lash out at the brunette.

"Is that what you do in your free time?" L observed her placing her hands on her hips. It was a sure sign that she wanted to attract authority, but all it did was give him something to laugh about later. It wasn't her exact fault that she was built to be so cute and not as threatening as she thought. "Terrorize your friends?"

"I highly doubt that harmless pranks such as this counts as terrorizing." In order to make sure that his statement was rendered true instead of the opposite, he pointedly leaned down in the chair to the point where he might fall on _top_ on Light and placed a sugar cube on his face. There was already a lone block on top of Light's cheek, so the detective opted to place the sweetener on top of the other one. If Misa let him, he estimated that he could build a tower on top of the flesh within a matter of the minutes.

"Oh, really?" Even though she skeptical on Ryuzaki's point of view on the subject, Misa crouched low next to Light, observing how even the small breaths of her lover didn't move the cubes so that it would fall. If Ryuzaki weren't there to mock her for whatever reason, the blonde would have been cooing at the cuteness of it all.

"Yes, _really_." He made it a point to place another sugar cube on top of the two other ones. His dark brown—almost black—eyes caught Misa's furtive glance at his action. She was biting her lip, like she was warring within herself on whether she should let the detective play with her boyfriend for a little while, or put her foot down on the issue. "Would you like to try?"

Misa shook her head with an air of a condescending parent. There was no way she was going to participate in something so asinine. Surely, Light would have agreed with her on this subject.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to argue this point with you." Ryuzaki momentarily paused in the middle of his ministrations as he pondered on the lack of stupidity in her tone. For once, she sounded like the adult that she was growing up to be. Ignoring the fish-eyed stare that Ryuzaki was giving her, Misa plowed forward in her little rant. "One, that is my boyfriend; I of all people should know that what you are doing counts as harmful. Two, how is Light going to get his required beauty sleep if you insist on doing that?"

The world's greatest detective stared at her with an intensity that could cause wildfires in the middle of Antarctica. Normally, Misa would have blushed and looked away, but she was standing firm this time. She had just finished shooting a film with a capricious director, it was insanely late, and she wanted to kiss her boyfriend goodnight. Was that too much to ask? In order to get her message across, Misa stood from her crouched position and stood with her arms folded across her chest. It gave off the appearance that Ryuzaki was the child and Misa the parent.

"My, my Misa," Ryuzaki crooned gently. There was almost and edge of arrogance that underlined his tone, but there wasn't enough of malice that would warrant wrath from the actress. "If I hadn't been friends with you for so long, one would think that you were jealous of me."

While Misa was gaping like a fish, Ryuzaki took the time to place even more sugar cubes on Light's slumbering face. When the tower threatened to collapse, Ryuzaki set out to begin another tower on another part of the visage. One cheek down, the chin, forehead, and the other cheek were ready to go. Perhaps he should have gone into architecture and the arts, Ryuzaki pondered. The world would probably have less crime if there were more buildings built on nature's essentials—sugar, chocolate, and cream.

It wasn't until a tower of cubes dominated Light's other cheek that Misa gathered the wit to counter Ryuzaki's statement.

"Why would I be jealous of you?" She practically invaded Ryuzaki's space just to spit the words out. "You're such a creep," she muttered with the passion of a scorned woman.

"You're jealous because you're looking like you are about to forgo all sense of tact and start attacking me." Said in a monotone that was meant to placate the younger woman, it only served to enrage the blonde further. It didn't help that there was a wry smile that pained the brunette's face as he observed her reaction.

"So now you think I'm Kira!"

Ryuzaki owlishly blinked as he contemplated the girl's choice of words. There was no way someone could deduce that he meant that. Anyone in her position would try attacking him, Kira not specifically included. His pale hands took a gentle hold on a cherry as his teeth gently nibbled on the out skin.

"On the contrary," he murmured softly as he sucked on the cherry sot that it came out clean. "I think you're a little bit obsessed with Light. I have deduced that if Light hadn't claimed you as his girlfriend, you would be stalking him as opposed to killing criminals."

"How is getting you, Ryuzaki, off his back and away from his face considered stalker-ish?"

"Simple, if I were to leave _and_ take off the handcuffs, you probably play with Light like I am currently doing now."

Ryuzaki took that moment to relish in another of Misa's look of flabbergasted horror. He even started to put another tower, but this one was on top of Light's chin. It was a bit of a challenge, but it was worth wasting his time like this. His proud smile that few had ever seen would turn downwards when Misa began to yell, completely disregarding her boyfriend's sleep.

"I would never do that to my boyfriend! That's an invasion of his personal space!"

"I find your stance on his subject highly hypocritical."

"You're supposed to be the greatest detective ever. I find your childish habits very contradictory for your vocation." Misa retorted. She was practically on top of Ryuzaki, but neither of them seemed to notice, nor did the sleeping human on the floor.

"While I find your rebuttal highly amusing, I find your effort to be lacking."

"What do you mean?"

"Resorting to physical violence might get you what you want, but you're continuing to verbally spar with me." A pale finger tapped his chin in a contemplative manner. His eyes caught that Misa's chest was heaving up and down with resentment. He couldn't help but utter in a trance-like state, "Very interesting."

Unfortunately, Misa knew what he was attracted to.

"Ew! You perverted psycho!" The blonde moved backward a few paces, mindful of the sleeping Light and gave a loud huff aimed in Ryuzaki's direction. "If you weren't so close to Light, I would totally slap you! I will also have you know that I put a lot of effort in insulting you."

Ryuzaki tried very hard to not let his skepticism show on that last statement. Instead of merely arguing with her, he tried to make amends by giving her sagely advice. It was the least he could do since he was hogging her boyfriend all to himself. Which reminded him, he grabbed another sugar cube from the table and placed it on top of one Light's eyelids.

"Don't raise your voice. While it may be deemed appropriate to dull the minds of countless viewers, it is not so highly respected here."

"I get praised for my singing talent," Misa groused. It wasn't her fault that as an idol she had to appear friendly to all audiences and potentially rewrite her entire personality to cater to the whims of the crowds. It was the same tragedy everywhere, but Ryuzaki paid no attention her plight.

"Your fans might be even more brainwashed that I thought; it might be a matter further looking into." He shook his head somberly, like he was infinitely more sorrowful for those poor, unintelligent people.

"You're not looking into anything until _you_ move away from Light." There was a fiery type of determination that had settled into her eyes. It was a type of fire or drive that L had encountered many times before during previous cases. It was either a serial killers who wanted to go out with a bang, thieves who would go to extreme measures not to get caught… it was ultimately fitting that Misa was quickly turning into a mastermind as the conversation progressed.

"The keyword, as I _might_ have mentioned was, for a lack of a better word, _might_." Both times Ryuzaki spoke the word 'might,' he had enunciated it in a patronizing fashion. It was no mystery to Misa that he was intentionally disregarding her mental capabilities. There was always more to a pretty face and one had to prove it, especially in dire circumstances such as this.

"Ryuzaki…" She hummed thoughtfully. The detective warily took note of her singsong voice, his face paling when he realized that she probably had something up her sleeve. "Did you know that the size of your brain could be measured by how many times you repeat a word because you're mind can't think of anything else?"

"Even if you are implying the improbable, let me tell you how that statement does not work in any shape or form. I merely used the word 'might' twice to place emphasis. This will allow most people to latch onto the word so that they get it into their heads the overall meaning of the message. In short, I thought it was fairly obvious."

If Ryuzaki were a lesser man, he would have stuck his tongue out at her. As such, he decided, instead, to viciously behead an animal cracker just to get his point across. However intimidating his actions may have seemed, Misa only smiled wider.

"You used 'might' a third time," she sang in her high-pitched trill. A bit overdramatic and ostentatious, the greatest detective in the world found himself wondering why Light was able to sleep throughout their entire exchange. That thought didn't merit too much explanation as Ryuzaki fired another shot at the blonde model.

"Perhaps I should resort to a shorter explanation whenever I'm trying to be nice to you."

Misa blanched at another dig at her intelligence. Was this seriously the only angle that he was going to attack!? Well then, fine! Might as well have a go at his masculinity!

"You call arguing with the prettiest girl you will ever have the pleasure of meeting the nicest thing you will ever do for me?" She gave what seemed like a halfhearted shrug. "Yikes, and I thought you had the hots for Light."

"I don't have anything of irregular room temperature for your boyfriend."

Misa let slip a giggle at what the oblivious detective had just said. She shouldn't have complimented the enemy like that, but how could she help it? He could be so adorable at times. Regrettably, that happened once in a blue moon. Once that thought crossed her mind, she suddenly cut herself off and found herself giving an unsightly frown. It was back to business for her.

"I will believe that if you get your sugar frosted hands off my darling."

Ryuzaki simply acknowledged her terms with a typical shrug of the shoulders.

"As much as I have enjoyed this mundane, if a bit tedious, conversation, I will not leave by the whims of a lady such as yourself."

"Even if I say please?" Misa pouted, trying to get on Ryuzaki's good side. It wasn't a failed attempt because she purposely lathered her tone with a lot of cutesiness. The blonde even held her hands out in a prayerful position, like Ryuzaki was a god and she was worshipping him. The situation was ironic, but Misa paid that no mind.

Similarly, Ryuzaki decided not to give in too easily.

"Even if you say please."

The man watched as the girl seemed to collapse on the floor underneath his chair and right next to her stoic boyfriend. He already knew that the young woman was feigning illness—quite admirable with her acting skills and all—but he still allowed himself to observe if there were symptoms that would prove otherwise.

"Ryuzaki…how about a little proposition concerning you and your 'harmless' pranks on Light?"

Ryuzaki took a moment to studiously consider her request. This was interesting. It seems that logic had finally overpowered Misa's impulses to just spout random nonsense. It was against his better judgment—which he found was lacking ever since she had just come in—but he decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they could both get something out of Misa's new offer.

"What of it?"

The girl abruptly rose up from her prone position and kneeled in front of the detective so that she was eye to eye with him. Her bright blue eyes were wide with innocence and L found himself slipping into those pools with alarming swiftness. By God, he _could_ fall for her!

"If you scoot over and hand over some of your sugar cubes, will you let me play with you?"

Unexpected, but it was well thought and Misa meant well. Ryuzaki gave her a coy smile and ground remnants of a crushed sugar into her hair. For a second, Misa looked like she was about to pitch a fit, but she did the complete opposite.

She laughed and grabbed a strawberry that sat in a bowl, bit into it, and scrubbed the rest of the fruit into the dark mass of hair that sat on Ryuzaki's head.

"I take no responsibility if you suddenly die," he warned.

"Silly Ryuzaki, Light would never kill me!" Misa took half of the remaining cubes from Ryuzaki's desk so that she could place them all over Light's forehead. There was a childish smile on her face when none of the towers failed to fall at her attentions.

Meanwhile, Ryuzaki watched in awe as he saw that the blonde was having the time of her life. Once Misa realized that she was probably hogging Light all to herself, she blushed, and pulled Ryuzaki down to her level. That way, both of them were lying on the floor and were able to mess up Light even more. Without any hesitation, Ryuzaki crumbled some of the sugar cubes so that it would look like snow—or dandruff—had settled onto Light's pristine hairstyle.

"Sadly, the percentages are in your favor for that one."

Ryuzaki still smiled though.

* * *

The handcuffs clanked noisily against each other as the light haired brunette tried not to seem like he was running away from his colleagues. While it seemed like he wasn't trying to cause a scene, his sugar coated appearance made up for it. As Light hurried along towards the staircase, one of the youngest members of the Task Force decided to question the behavior of the college student, completely oblivious that he was only urging God's wrath to come his way.

"Light, why do you—"

"Matsuda, shut up. _Please_." The teen caressed his locks with horror when he realized how much fun the two people closest to him had done. It was torture to realize that his hair—which he didn't take great care of anyway—looked like birds had started to nest in his scalp. It was also frustrating to realize that the rest of the Task Force was giving him odd looks and a few hidden snickers here and there.

Even stoic Mogi was struggling not to grin at the young prodigy.

When Light got those two conniving backstabbers together, he was going to kill them.

He was going to kill them in a non-Kira way, of course.


End file.
